Did a survey. I was bored.

My uncle once: slept with my mom. No, seriously. I should be fair and say that he's not *reeeeally* my Uncle. He was my mom's ex-boyfriend before she dumped him for his best friend, who became my dad.

Never in my life: have I died.

When I was five: I got my first guitar for Christmas!

High School was: 4 years of pure HELL! Wait, 5 years. That's how Hellish it was, folks.

I will never forget: my name. I hope. My memory doesn't have a very good record up to this point.

I once met: my belly button years ago. I haven't been able to find it again since adulthood.

Once, at a bar: I did a triple flip dismount and won a silver medal. Not really...but it would be cool if I did.

By noon, I'm usually: waking up on the weekends. Yay for sleeping in!

Last night: I have no idea what I did. See, I told you my memory left much to be desired.

If I only had: pade attenshun in skool.

Next time I go to church: I'll be unconscious, being dragged in by my hair.

Terry Schiavo: was a goner.

When I turn my head left, I see: a small Asian woman.

When I turn my head right, I see: a snack bag of Animal Crackers, with a convenient resealable strip!

What I miss most about the eighties: is parachute pants! MAN I wanted a pair of those! Red with black zippers, to be exact.

If I was a character in Shakespeare, I'd be: looking gayer than I already do.

By this time next year: hopefully be able to see my belly button again.

A better name for me would be: LaQuisha (that's luh-KWEE-shuh)

I have a hard time understanding: why us girls can bleed like a stuck pig every damn month and still not die!

If I ever go back to school I'll: remember to sleep with my professors to get good grades. All that time in high school, I thought STUDYING was the key, but I was so very wrong. It's a good thing, too, because I'm much better when it comes to sex than studying. (thanks for the great idea, Heather!)

You know I like you if: I comment your myspace. Mahahaha!

If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my parents for giving birth to me, for without that first step, the award would probably have to go to someone else...and that would just suck.

Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: should have babies so we can find out what they'd name 'em.

Take my advice, never: get me drunk and force me to stay up later than I want to, because I can become a cranky-ass jack bitch. "Really? You!?" Yes, so don't try me.

My ideal breakfast is: best eaten after noon...when I wake up on my weekends, of course.

A song I love, but do not own is: every song out there. If I owned them, I'd be rich with royalties.

If you visit my hometown, I suggest: practicing your alcohol intake and retention skills, because you'll need it in Austin.

Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: "What are the Gay Olympics of 2034, presented and sponsored by Home & Garden Television, Alex!?"

Why won't people: just use their damn turn signals?! It's not like it's a hassle or exercise or anything!!

If you spend the night at my house: bring your flight line-rated ear plugs. I snore and I can snore loud.

I'd stop my wedding: if I saw my girlfriend making out with a bridesmaid. Just a head's up, honey.

The world could do without: The Bush Family. I'm just sayin'

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: wait...I'd rather not do that AT ALL.

My favorite blonde is: my mom :-)

Paper clips are more useful than: other things when it comes to breaking and entering. I mean...organizing stacks of documents and stuff.

If I do anything well, it's: breathing. DAMN I'm awesome at that.

And by the way: I just passed gas. I suggest opening a window. Hey, at least I claim mine.