As Seen on T-shirts

- Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.

- I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was mistaken.

- Don't do what I do, but do do what I don't do.

- Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

- I've stopped listening, why haven't you stopped talking?

- Jesus loves you...but I'm his favorite.

- It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

- Put on your big girl panties and just deal with it!

- So this isn't Home Sweet Home...Adjust!

- Chocolate...the catnip of the female world

- Just be happy I'm not a twin.

- Authentic Redhead: Keep out of direct sunlight!

- I'm confused...wait...maybe I'm not.

- They say I have A.D.D. but they just don't understand. Oh look! A chicken!

- My life is an endless battle against maturity.

- 333 - I'm only half evil.

- Rated OC: Overly Caucasian - please do not place on dance floor

- I'm only wearing black until they make something darker.

- (On green tee) Mom, Dad...I'm Gaelic.

- I'm sorry, but I don't know any words small enough for you to understand.

- Yet, despite the look on my face, you're still talking.

- Good Morning is an oxymoron.

- Even if the voices aren't real...they have some pretty good ideas

- Has anyone ever just hauled off and hit you?

- On the journey through life I chose the psycho path.

- DANGER: Mouth operates faster than brain.

- I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.

- The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

- It matters not whether you win or lose. It matters whether I win or lose.

- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

- Nobody knows the trouble I've been.

- AntiCrombie

- Who are you and why are you reading my shirt?

- I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

- Keep staring at me. I might do a trick.

- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

- Some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints in the morning.

- Is it me or is this place a festival of idiots?

- It's better to have loved & lost, than to live with the psycho the rest of your life.

- A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands.

- I'm not mean. You're just a sissy.

- The beatings will continue until morale improves.

- Silly boys. Trucks are for girls!

- I didn't say it was your fault...I said I was going to blame you.

- God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

- Here I am...now, what are your other two wishes?

- A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

- Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

- The problem with Italian food is, 3 or 4 days later, you're hungry again.

- Having kids is like being pecked to death by a duck.

- National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support.

- Here's a little hint...I DON'T CARE!

- The villagers are coming with torches and pitchforks. Please hide me.

- You're not the boss of me. My cat is.

- Have you seen my marbles?

- I'm not bald. Heavy thinking burned my hair off.

- Hear it let's for dyslexia.

- I hate the fact that people don't salute me.

- A simple "Your Grace" will suffice.

- I love my country, but I think we should start seeing other people.

Have any more t-shirt or bumpersticker sayings that are equally as hilarious? Post a comment with it!