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Cape Cod & P-Town Weekender

[REPOST from my MySpace blog on Jun. 20, 2005]

Ohhhhh sweet recovery! I just drove over to Cape Cod to visit a friend for the weekend and I somehow made it back alive. lol The first day was reserved for hanging out at her restaurant and helping her cook dinner for her patrons. The restaurant sits right on a big marina near Hyannis and Yarmouth overlooking a river that comes off of the Atlantic Ocean. Must be tough going to work, day in and day out, getting a tan, feeling a nice breeze off the deck as the water in the marina twinkles with each ripple.

Anyway, for the first afternoon/evening on Friday, I helped her out at the restaurant and got to know her employees. They are a great group of people and they've all been with her for all 8 seasons. For dinner, I had Alaskan King Crab legs, special-ordered for me (plus she got a great deal on them thru her supplier) and, since she got several pounds of it, she also made it a dinner special... and it has been a hit with customers so far. When her over-the-top flamer gay guy friend stopped over at the restaurant around closing time, he gave my friend the keys to a little resort room nearby so we wouldn't have to stay at her cottage with her roommate and another friend who is sleeping on the couch (going thru a bad breakup). Apparently her gay guy friend uses that room from time to time because there were no towels for a shower or the jaccuzi and his swim shorts were sopping wet on the floor of the shower. Oyyyy... LOL Before heading to the room, though, we stopped by a couple of bars. Her best friend's car was parked outside of a chinese restaurant/bar, so she turned around to go see him. Some drunk guy from South Carolina tried flirting with me with no success. Her bud was in a crabby mood so we left to check out another bar she knew well. There was a cover band playing and I wished I had taken pictures of the musicians -- the electric guitar player and lead singer both looked like they were straight out of an '80s hair band, the drummer looked 80 years old and the bass player was as nerdy as they get. They were pretty bad but after two drinks and two large Cuervo shots, they were sounding damn good. LOL By the end of the night, I can honestly say I have never been so drunk!

The next morning, she got in touch with a couple of her friends and we drove up to Provincetown (aka: P-town...aka: Gay Town USA) at the end of the Cape, which was only maybe 40 miles tops. We all got a room above the Vixen night club (which, btw, only has a one-night minimum) right smack in the middle of downtown. Wow, was that a shameless plug or what! After walking up and down Commercial Street, checking out shops and bars all day, we decided to go back to our rooms and take naps. My friend napped but her friends and I didn't... so when my friend woke up, she was ready to hit the clubs again but we weren't. We ended up getting talked into going out for a little while but our friends went back to the hotel after only half an hour or so. So while the bars and shops were closing up, my friend and I decided to walk around a little more. She saw a big ship at the end of a pier that she wanted to check out earlier in the day, so we walked out there to see what it was used as. The night watchman at the marina there told us that it was a soldier's barracks boat in WWII that was pushed or pulled by a tugboat where ever it went. My friend tried and tried to let the guy allow us on the ship to look around, but to no avail. While chatting with the marina guy, another man who was hanging around found out that my friend owned a restaurant that he knew of... so despite his wanting to go to bed, he instead invited us on his yacht where his wife and another couple were aboard just winding down the evening. We took our shoes off before entering the "livingroom," they offered us a glass of wine and we sat down to chat for a good hour. My friend and everyone on board had some mutual friends and enemies, so they talked about that for much of the hour. It seems like everyone I met while in Cape Cod owned some kind of company or business. I suppose that's how they afford to live there. I think I was the only one who had a regular little job, but that was cool with them. I didn't sense any snobbery...really nice people, all the way around.... even if some of them were on the tipsy side.

I woke up the next morning on Sunday before my friend did, so I took a shower and went into town for breakfast at the Post Office Cafe. Met up with the other friends while walking around and we shopped for swag. After my friend woke up and our other friends had left P-town for an appointment, we hopped in her truck and headed to a couple of beaches...wishing we could've used the firewood in the back of her truck for a beach fire under the stars with our friends, but due to fog, we cancelled those plans.

All three days on the Cape were, for the most part, absolutely gorgeous and I hope to go out again soon. They're trying to contact their friends with boats so we can have a big party out on the water one of these days, and I am SO in! I'm happy to be back home, though. It was a wild weekend and it's just nice to be back to some normalcy again but, unfortunately, back to the grindstone, too.

O Canada!

[REPOST from my MySpace blog on May 9, 2005]

Took my first roadtrip to Canada (specifically Quebec) last week. Val met me at the border around midnight or 1am to have me follow her to her house about 45 minutes towards Montreal. The weather was pretty crappy most of the way, but I made really good time, considering. What was so cool about visiting Quebec was that it felt like I was somewhere in Europe instead of North America because of the french signage. Basically, I was able to visit "Europe" in 5 hours' time without crossing the big pond... and that's really convenient. lol

That Sunday (my first full day there), we took a trip into nearby Montreal to check out her stompin' grounds. We parked in a vacant lot and walked to the subway station, passing a poor and unfortunate discarded umbrella in the lot garbage can. *sigh* First stop was the old port of Montreal where we strolled the cobblestone streets, took pictures of the old (very french) architecture and had lunch at a quaint little place with a hot waitress. Again, we both witnessed yet another gruesome discovery; a skinless umbrella laying lifeless in a dry fountain. *shakes head* Not far off in the distance, I saw some blue and yellow-striped big-top tents -- Val said that's where Cirque du Soleil is based, and where they practice their routines before touring...which I thought was super cool. I'm pretty easy to impress that way.

The second half of the day was spent in the Gay District down St. Catharine's Street. She took me to her favorite club, The Drugstore, where I commenced to kick her booty at pool and she returned the favor with a mean game or two of foosball. The rooftop bar/balcony seemed like a great place to relax and get a tan while cruising for unsuspecting victims.

On the way back to the subway station, we stopped in Mado's club (infamous local drag queen) to see if the bar served Buttery Nipple shots. Actually, during the whole trip, we couldn't find a single bar that carried butterscotch schnapps. Val still has yet to try one, but I'll probably end up making her one the next time she visits Boston. Muuwahahaaa!

I forgot to mention that, while walking from one end of the city to the other, we encountered a huge Union protest march, though it wasn't exclusively for Unions, apparently. There were labor Unions, teacher and student Unions, political groups and just plain hate groups. Once this group of "Communists" wearing red bandanas over their faces, holding red flags (with the old CCCP hammer & sickle) chose to occupy the corner we were standing on in order to spout their banter over an amp. Val and I thought it best to start walking elsewhere. Down the street a ways, a separate group of Anarchists, wearing black, decided it would be fun to throw rocks at police officers. Large numbers of police in riot gear were convening at the intersection we ended up at, so we (along with other innocent bystanders) stood still, under the cover of a construction walkway, until the coast was clear. What fun!

On Monday, Val wanted to take me to an "Artsy" area of town where I had yummy poutine, saw numerous futon stores and had pie to die for. "What's poutine?" Well, I'm glad you asked. Poutine is to Quebec as chili cheese fries are to the USA. Simply put, you generously pour special hot brown poutine gravy over cheese curds and hot french fries. What you get is this enormous pile of fries under hot, gooey deliciousness. Try it sometime. The "pie to die for," by the way, was at a little place called Rockaberry. A friend of ours on a chat program told us that we MUST go to it and have some pie, so, naturally, we did. I'm thinking that I'll visit Montreal every month just for the pie and poutine alone -- no offense, Val. I can't remember what she got at the shop, but I had something called the Chocolate Cheese pie and brought home a slice of the Caramel Fudge Cheese pie *drool* Val brought home Chocolate Truffel pie and it was JUST like the inside of a truffel. Sooo rich that my taste buds were almost in pain. Mmmm. Got Milk?

Tuesday was spent mostly relaxing and watching movies. We did a lot of walking the first couple of days; more so than we did in Boston. Wednesday was relatively short, since I had to drive back home in the afternoon. Val's parents are wonderful people and I hope to meet up with them at least once while they're visiting Boston soon. Her mom makes the most incredible hot dessert EVER - seriously, EVER. I pigged-out up there, so I'm in for a grueling health/exercise regime ahead, I'm sure. Must... keep my mind... off... of.... Rockaberry.... and...mom's...hot....dessert.... (help meee)

MA Blizzard of '05

[REPOST from my MySpace blog on Jan. 31, 2005]

Is it any coincidence that just after I move to Boston that the Red Sox win, we get a record blizzard and the Patriots are poised to become an NFL "Dynasty"?? Hmm.... yeah, probably just a coincidence. Here at the house, we had 36 inches (3 feet) of snow...not including the snow drifts....over a matter of a night and a day. Two days later, Mother Nature dropped about 7 inches more on top of that.

Needless to say, the city has been a mess. No where to park!!! Even still, a week or so later, the mountains of snow that the plows have pushed to the curbs of the streets are sitting there on top of good parking spaces. Salem got a ton of snow, too. In one day, they blew through their entire snow budget for the year. And poor Cape Cod... I feel for them. Some might say that 3 feet is a drop in the bucket compared to the snow you might get if you live right by one of the Great Lakes. That lake effect snow is a bitch, I know. 90 inches of snow in one night up at Lake Tahoe is impressive, also, but they aren't at sea level, either. We are, and it's highly unusual to get this kind of snow out here. My mother tells me that we made front page news in the Idaho Statesman newspaper. Now the New England Patriots football team is going back to the Superbowl for the third time in 4 years. Stop the insanity!!!!!

Anyway, I still can't get out of my back door, but at least the driveway was plowed. There is no effing way that even a couple of us using "ergo" snow shovels would've tackled that task without getting broken backs in the process. I think even a snow blower would've gone on strike. It's times like these that makes you really appreciate having a two-car garage... among other things. I will hand it to the people of these bitterly cold and snowy states -- they know how to make good out of a nasty situation. On my way in to Cambridge the other day, two ladies were nordic skiing on the sidewalks around here. In any weather, people will be out hiking, biking, walking their dogs, cross country skiing, snowshoeing, kayaking or jogging. It makes me smile. Smiling is all I'll do right now because I haven't gathered the guts to do these things in this kind of weather yet. For now, we have a home gym in the finished half of the basement to use until the weather gets slightly tolerable in the Spring. Maybe by the time the nasty weather comes back for the next round, I'll be in good enough shape to brave it recreationally.

Cheers from the Great White North!

Catie Curtis & Patty Larkin: Music To My Ears

[REPOST from my MySpace blog on Jan. 28, 2005]

Well, I just got home from a Catie Curtis & Patty Larkin concert at beautiful Sanders Theatre on the Harvard campus. We took the "T" in (subway), tried not to slip on the sidewalks walking through Harvard Yard and I somehow made it to the venue without my ears falling off or my cheeks enduring frostbite. (Note to self: Remember to have a scarf handy on Winter nights here) Fortunately there was hot cocoa and chocolate chip cookies waiting there for this tired and hungry girl before the show began.

We got front row center and I managed to not get a kink in my neck from looking up for so long. Sometimes I prefer 3rd row over front row for that very reason. I don't know why, but I had thought Patty Larkin was opening for Catie. Turns out, it was the other way around, but I convinced Lisa to stay and watch the second half (Patty). After my ignorance had worn off, I realized that Patty Larkin has something like 20 years on Catie as a singer/songwriter, AND she's on a major record label. What was I thinking!? This was our first time seeing either of them, and I'm sure glad we decided to go.

Catie did a full set and her special surprise guest was Mark Erelli. He's one of the few male singer/songwriters that I really enjoy. Catie gave us the news that she and her partner were able to adopt a 7 or 8 month old little girl last week, an addition to their other 2 year old daughter. Coincidentally, Patty Larkin (who is in her 50's) also has a little one... and they were both oogling throughout the night about their kids. Now, I'm not one for mushy stories about people's kidlets, but some of them were downright hilarious. Patty had me ALMOST falling off the bench onto the floor laughing with her tales of the recent blizzard here in Eastern Massachusetts (she lives out on the Cape) and other subjects. If it weren't enough that she was a virtual "comedienne," she is also an amazing guitar player and singer/songstress.

I got to meet Catie and Patty after the show, too. I also couldn't resist getting a couple of things signed by them. It must be the kid in me. What a great threesome of musicians tonight, though! The only thing that almost ruined the evening was when we had to wait for the "T" for 45 minutes afterwards. Grrrrr!!

Michelle Malone Sleep-over

[REPOST from my MySpace blog on Nov. 4, 2004]

Michelle Malone, her drummer and her roadie spent the night at our house last night after their concert in Boston. Linda and D took the two guest rooms upstairs and Michelle crashed on the futon in the livingroom....too tired to go upstairs. This morning we distributed computers and laptops so everyone could check their email, we tinkered around on my collection of guitars and other instruments, then I cranked up some Aretha, Etta, Ella and Billie and we got to watch Michelle sing and dance around in her jammies. Come to find out, Linda is multi-talented...she can play the guitar, drums, mandolin and sing all quite well. Last night at the show, she had a mandolin in her lap, one foot was doing the kick drum, the other foot was doing the high hat cymbals, she was singing backup vocals AND she was playing the drums (when she wasn't jammin' on the mando). All she needed was a flute and then why have Michelle around? Just kidding.

Aside from getting lost in Boston trying to find our way to the venue and getting our car towed, everything went smoothly. Word to the wise: If you ever travel around Boston, DO NOT use MapQuest.com or a GPS unit -- neither will get you where you need to go...I promise. Do the old fashioned thing and consult an updated map and give yourself some extra time to drive around aimlessly.

Thanks for such a fun Wed/Thur. gals!

After the Euphoria

[REPOST from my MySpace blog on Oct. 21, 2004]

It's 48 degrees on a dreary Autumn day here in Eastern Mass. By now, the clean-up crews have tidied up Kenmore Square outside Fenway Park in town (Boston) and a couple of unfortunate merchants have begun to place orders for new signs outside their businesses, after a handful of immature knuckle heads decided it would be fun to destroy some property while celebrating the Red Sox victory. There were a couple of cars overturned in the streets, as well - poor bastards -- is there insurance to cover something like that? Under the title of 'vandalism' maybe?

Anyway, it's almost 1pm and I'm still barely waking up after a couple of weeks of late nights and up & down emotions. I've never been known to be a sports fan. Well, men's sports. Personally, I'd rather PLAY than watch a sporting event. That all changed since I moved to Boston....a bit. This is a baseball city, no question about it. It was easy to get caught up in the excitement of the Playoff's when your hometown boys are fighting ever closer to the title.... but battling the Yankees?!? Sit down, my children. The biggest baseball rivalry in the history of the sport (or just about any other sport, for that matter) is held between the Boston Red Sox and the NY Yankees. By now, that's a pretty well-known fact. Even though I'm still generally not a big pro baseball fan, I have never ONCE liked the Yankees. I think they're arrogant, whether they win or lose a major game, they still get plastered all over the television in their Visa commercials, they pay the highest dollar for the best players in the world and they are USUALLY in the playoff's, if not the World Series. If you ask me, I'd call that pretty unfair. Once in a blue moon, though, the Yankees get their tushies kicked by the underdog, like the Arizona Diamondbacks or the lowest-paid team in the MLB, the Florida Marlins. That's always a joy to watch. Yeah, I know the Yankees pay that much because they "play to win" but give someone else a chance once in awhile, will ya??

On a similar note, Yankees fans are frightening. (present company excluded, if that applies) Not as scary as Raiders fans, but scary nonetheless. If you root against their team, it's like saying something negative to George W. Bush about the way he's handling Iraq. Run fast, run far....and lay low for at least a few more days if the Yankees were to lose a major game or series. Word to the wise, don't start an argument with a Yankee fan - you will NOT win. You'll either lose their friendship or they will whack you. LOL Just be careful, ok?

Back to the subject at hand. The Red Sox made history on Tuesday night by being the first MLB team to force a Game 7 after a 3-game deficit in a series. Last night, they made history yet again by being the first MLB team to win a Playoff after a 3-game deficit. For those of you that have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll explain in plain English: There are 7 games in a Playoff game before you move into the World Series (another 7-game series). In order to win QUICKLY, a team has to win 4 times in a row and then the whole series is over. If both teams win back and forth, the series will obviously last longer until one team wins 4 total games out of 7. The Red Sox lost the first 3 games...badly. All NY had to do was win one more and they were headed to the World Series. The Yankees and their fans were convinced that they would easily win, while Red Sox fans were going in to work everyday moping and embarrassed. Something happened, though, and the Red Sox finally showed up to play some baseball. In order for Boston to win, they had to win 4 consecutive games, period. Guess what? They did! I almost feel a little sorry for the Yankees fans.

So the Red Sox are headed to the World Series this Saturday and we're waiting on one more game to find out which NCLS team (Astros or the Cardinals) are going to play against us in the Series. I know I shouldn't think too far ahead, but IF the Sox won the World Series, it will have been the first time since 1918. That's a long-ass time. So, even if you could care less about baseball, or your favorite team didn't make the cut this year, join us in watching the World Series and root for the underdogs. That's always fun.

GO SOX !!!

You Know You're From Massachusetts If...

I lived in Mass. long enough to relate to almost all of this. Trust me, it doesn't take long.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MASSACHUSETTS IF...

You think crosswalks are for wimps... (no, they're just inconvenient to walk to sometimes)

You think if someone is nice to you they either want something or they are from out of town and lost...

You know how to cross four lanes of traffic in five seconds (weee!)

You think it's not actually tailgating unless you're touching the
bumper of the car in front of you...

You know that a yellow light means that at least five more people
can get through and a red one means two more can... (no kidding here)

The public transportation system is known as the "T" and you'd
rather drive in bumper to bumper traffic for 4 hours to get to
Boston than be caught dead on the "orange line"... (amen)

You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house... (this is the truth!)

Subway is a fast food place...

There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your
house and that is how you give directions...

When people talk about "The Curse Of The Bambino" you know what they're talking about and used to believe it, too

You believe using your turn signals gives away your plan to the enemy... (omg..lol...yes)

If you stay on the same road long enough it eventually has three different names... (mapquest doesn't have a chance!)

Someone has honked at you because you didn't peel out the second the light turned green... (many times)

You have honked at someone because they didn't peel out the second the light turned green...

All the potholes just add to the excitement of driving...

Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only of you want to... (lol)

Six inches of snow is considered a dusting... (yessahhh!)

Three days of 90 degree heat is definitely a "heat wave"

53 degrees is "on the warm side"...

You've walked to Brighams for an ice cream cone "to go", in the snow...

You cringe everytime you hear some actor/actress imitate the "Boston Accent" on TV or in a movie, if you don't have it then you're never going to get it even if you were born here...

At the ice cream shop you call chocolate sprinkles "jimmies"...

A Water fountain is called a Bubbler. Say it, "Bubbla"... (this is true, too)

You can go from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen
minutes and see at least fifteen losers you went to high school with doing the same thing they were doing when you saw them last...

The person in front of you is going 70 MPH and you're cursing them for going too slow...

You know how to pronounce towns like Worcester, Haverhill, Peabody, Scituate, Chatham, and Leominster... (yay, me!)

You know what they sell at a "packie"... (oh yes!)

You have never been to Cheers...

You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater...

You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round... (yep!)

Paranoia sets in when you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS...

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block
oncoming traffic so you can make a left...

You've bragged about saving money at The Christmas Tree Shop
(don't cha just love a bargin?)...

You know what a "regular coffee" is!...

You can navigate a rotary without a problem...

You feel the rest of the world needs to drive more like you...

When someone calls you a "Masshole" you take it as a compliment...

You use the words "wicked" "pissa" and "good" in the same sentence, and often in the same compound-adjective...

You know what a frappe is...

Saint Patrick's Day is your second favorite holiday...even when
you're not IRISH!...

You drink tonic and would never consider using it on your hair...

You never say "I'm going to drive to Cape Cod," you say "I'm going down the Cape."

You went to Old Sturbridge Village and Plymouth Plantation at
least once, in elementary school, but never to Bunker Hill...

You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day...

You have a special place in your heart for the Worcester Firefighters... (*softly nods*)

You know the Mass Pike and 495 create some sort of strange weather dividing line... (so true!)

You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you off when you cut them off or steal their parking space...

As Seen on T-shirts

- Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.

- I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was mistaken.

- Don't do what I do, but do do what I don't do.

- Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

- I've stopped listening, why haven't you stopped talking?

- Jesus loves you...but I'm his favorite.

- It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

- Put on your big girl panties and just deal with it!

- So this isn't Home Sweet Home...Adjust!

- Chocolate...the catnip of the female world

- Just be happy I'm not a twin.

- Authentic Redhead: Keep out of direct sunlight!

- I'm confused...wait...maybe I'm not.

- They say I have A.D.D. but they just don't understand. Oh look! A chicken!

- My life is an endless battle against maturity.

- 333 - I'm only half evil.

- Rated OC: Overly Caucasian - please do not place on dance floor

- I'm only wearing black until they make something darker.

- (On green tee) Mom, Dad...I'm Gaelic.

- I'm sorry, but I don't know any words small enough for you to understand.

- Yet, despite the look on my face, you're still talking.

- Good Morning is an oxymoron.

- Even if the voices aren't real...they have some pretty good ideas

- Has anyone ever just hauled off and hit you?

- On the journey through life I chose the psycho path.

- DANGER: Mouth operates faster than brain.

- I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.

- The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

- It matters not whether you win or lose. It matters whether I win or lose.

- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

- Nobody knows the trouble I've been.

- AntiCrombie

- Who are you and why are you reading my shirt?

- I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

- Keep staring at me. I might do a trick.

- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

- Some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints in the morning.

- Is it me or is this place a festival of idiots?

- It's better to have loved & lost, than to live with the psycho the rest of your life.

- A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands.

- I'm not mean. You're just a sissy.

- The beatings will continue until morale improves.

- Silly boys. Trucks are for girls!

- I didn't say it was your fault...I said I was going to blame you.

- God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

- Here I am...now, what are your other two wishes?

- A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

- Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

- The problem with Italian food is, 3 or 4 days later, you're hungry again.

- Having kids is like being pecked to death by a duck.

- National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support.

- Here's a little hint...I DON'T CARE!

- The villagers are coming with torches and pitchforks. Please hide me.

- You're not the boss of me. My cat is.

- Have you seen my marbles?

- I'm not bald. Heavy thinking burned my hair off.

- Hear it let's for dyslexia.

- I hate the fact that people don't salute me.

- A simple "Your Grace" will suffice.

- I love my country, but I think we should start seeing other people.

Have any more t-shirt or bumpersticker sayings that are equally as hilarious? Post a comment with it!

Wolves, Dolphins & Fairies...OH MY!

Can someone tell me what it is about lesbians and wolves, dolphins and naked glitter fairies? I can't count the number of lesbians I know with dolphin tattoos or wolf posters or elaborate nude, sexy fairy art. Now, I can understand if you're a descendant of Native American culture and you feel spiritually connected with wolves... but what else could it be about?

I can also understand if you went snorkeling in the Florida Keys and swam with dolphins... but the only other reason I can understand why such a large number of lesbians are so dolphin-crazed is that they realize that when you pet certain dolphins on their belly, they get really really horny. Maybe there's something in common? I would think that applies more with gay men. lol

Naked fairies that resemble Angelina Jolie... now wtf is up with that!? I've seen them as tattoos, general sketches, webcam overlays, glitter graphics for myspace pages and so on. Maybe I'm just a pathetic lesbian and I could care less if I saw a naked woman (unless it's my girlfriend, of course), let alone one with WINGS and shiny lipstick. Someone help me make the connection here.

On another note, in chat rooms, I've noticed an enormous number of women with "sexy" and "angel" and "blue" in their screen names. It's so common, in fact, that I have to go out of my way and think of unique nicknames for those individuals so I don't confuse people...or just type out their entire screen name. Call me lazy, but that's just too much work. lol Nine times out of 10, those with "sexy" in their screen names are not sexy at all... usually it's quite the opposite, but hey, it's only my opinion. I'm certainly not one to talk! lol

I'm done ranting now. Please comment this blog if you have insight.

Spoiled Spud

Ahh, Stanley, Idaho along the Salmon River. This is where I was just about the same time last year. Ugh, make that 2 years ago. Where has the time gone? Anymore, my favorite vacations are really "staycations." I'd honestly rather take my breaks within my own state. How many people can say that? It's super convenient because you don't have to worry about the cost of flights and all the headaches that can come with that whole experience. You don't have to deal with making detailed travel itineraries or paying for a travel agent to do it. The list goes on.

I have nothing against people wanting to get away from it all by taking a cruise, going to Mexico or Disney World or any number of other tourist destinations. I just have no desire to do those things. I might take a cruise once...who knows. But when I can drive just a short distance and soak in natural hot springs, swim in clean, cold water on a hot summer day, ski/snowboard/snowmobile on some of the best powder in the U.S., go boating or kayaking, ride on a series of zip lines within the treetops of Ponderosa pines, sky dive, parasail, explore canyonlands, go panning for gold or hunting for opals, take a scenic train ride, surf on a perfect freak wave in the river, mountain bike/atv/dirtbike/hike among the hundreds and hundreds of miles of trail systems, go camping, catch some trout/bass/salmon/steelhead/etc and much, much more.... why would I want to go elsewhere?

I've seen the entire lower 48 United States in detail from a car window, and I've lived in all corners of this nation. This land is amazing and diverse and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I know this. I pinch myself everyday that I live in one of the most incredible states for sheer variety of recreation. I'm only a day's drive or less from Seattle, B.C., Reno, Vegas, Salt Lake City, Portland and San Francisco, the Pacific Ocean.

Anyway, enough blogging about how spoiled I think I am... it's 76 degrees, sunny and I'm wasting time inside the house!!

Did a survey. I was bored.

My uncle once: slept with my mom. No, seriously. I should be fair and say that he's not *reeeeally* my Uncle. He was my mom's ex-boyfriend before she dumped him for his best friend, who became my dad.

Never in my life: have I died.

When I was five: I got my first guitar for Christmas!

High School was: 4 years of pure HELL! Wait, 5 years. That's how Hellish it was, folks.

I will never forget: my name. I hope. My memory doesn't have a very good record up to this point.

I once met: my belly button years ago. I haven't been able to find it again since adulthood.

Once, at a bar: I did a triple flip dismount and won a silver medal. Not really...but it would be cool if I did.

By noon, I'm usually: waking up on the weekends. Yay for sleeping in!

Last night: I have no idea what I did. See, I told you my memory left much to be desired.

If I only had: pade attenshun in skool.

Next time I go to church: I'll be unconscious, being dragged in by my hair.

Terry Schiavo: was a goner.

When I turn my head left, I see: a small Asian woman.

When I turn my head right, I see: a snack bag of Animal Crackers, with a convenient resealable strip!

What I miss most about the eighties: is parachute pants! MAN I wanted a pair of those! Red with black zippers, to be exact.

If I was a character in Shakespeare, I'd be: looking gayer than I already do.

By this time next year: hopefully be able to see my belly button again.

A better name for me would be: LaQuisha (that's luh-KWEE-shuh)

I have a hard time understanding: why us girls can bleed like a stuck pig every damn month and still not die!

If I ever go back to school I'll: remember to sleep with my professors to get good grades. All that time in high school, I thought STUDYING was the key, but I was so very wrong. It's a good thing, too, because I'm much better when it comes to sex than studying. (thanks for the great idea, Heather!)

You know I like you if: I comment your myspace. Mahahaha!

If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my parents for giving birth to me, for without that first step, the award would probably have to go to someone else...and that would just suck.

Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: should have babies so we can find out what they'd name 'em.

Take my advice, never: get me drunk and force me to stay up later than I want to, because I can become a cranky-ass jack bitch. "Really? You!?" Yes, so don't try me.

My ideal breakfast is: best eaten after noon...when I wake up on my weekends, of course.

A song I love, but do not own is: every song out there. If I owned them, I'd be rich with royalties.

If you visit my hometown, I suggest: practicing your alcohol intake and retention skills, because you'll need it in Austin.

Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: "What are the Gay Olympics of 2034, presented and sponsored by Home & Garden Television, Alex!?"

Why won't people: just use their damn turn signals?! It's not like it's a hassle or exercise or anything!!

If you spend the night at my house: bring your flight line-rated ear plugs. I snore and I can snore loud.

I'd stop my wedding: if I saw my girlfriend making out with a bridesmaid. Just a head's up, honey.

The world could do without: The Bush Family. I'm just sayin'

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: wait...I'd rather not do that AT ALL.

My favorite blonde is: my mom :-)

Paper clips are more useful than: other things when it comes to breaking and entering. I mean...organizing stacks of documents and stuff.

If I do anything well, it's: breathing. DAMN I'm awesome at that.

And by the way: I just passed gas. I suggest opening a window. Hey, at least I claim mine.

Kitty Wigs!!!!!!!!!!!

You really have to see these. *stifles laughter* I swear someone stole my cat, Smokey, for the photoshoot with the blue wig and then gave him back.

KittyWigs

Olan Mills portrait photos *LOL*

*Actual* Olan Mills photos...


Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.


Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin.


Drake won "Bitchin'est Senior Mullet" by a landslide.



That dude wore a tie for nothing.



The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.



Wanted a shot like this for a future wedding. The girlfriend said no.



It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early '70s, you were a big fat loser. Mine was teal. I wore it with a silk floral shirt and a long necklace with a football player pendant that we all got at that year's team banquet. I was THE MAN!



Once they had two or three, how did they ever find enough time alone to have more?!



No comment.



Olan Mills backdrop 4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?



A pose like this will get you kicked right out of the Convention.



Oh, this is super. What better way to capture the charm and innocence of a child than to plunk him down amid the coarse trappings of a life lived in pursuit of wealth -- oversized bills, an adding machine and the Wall Street Journal -- and make him sit inside a briefcase? The finishing touch is the globe, which completes the portrait of the young Antichrist in Chess King vest and Red Goose loafers, plotting his takeover of the world (insert maniacal laugh). That is, as soon as someone changes his poopy diaper.



Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for the manager, but she and Dale both got fired from the Shoney's.



Rejected Toby Keith album cover.



Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.



Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, posing with Scraps.



This photo isn't discolored. The '70s really were that orange.



And don't miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform "Godspell" next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish.



At the Southern Baptist Convention?



Olan Mills Backdrop 11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unabomber and his wife.



The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill.



Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara, where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery.



Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie.

You'd think Pearle Vision would throw in another 2 pair for free.



Grapefruit smuggling isn't a crime, but posing it in profile should be.



Kenneth and his prom date.



I got a 20 that says this guy drives a Camaro.



Hiroshima, 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and Senor Loco.



Someone spent money on this.



It's so cute when couples have matching hairdo's.



Talk about a third wheel...



Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair.



I'd hide my face, too, little girl.



B-52's, the early years.



She's looking for the speaker that's piping in "Muskrat Love" so she can blast it with her laser eyes.